Don’t Tolerate Verbal Abuse

Over the weekend, I was telling my Husband about the last few posts I had posted. He asked me to read a few comments and emails I had received. I read a selected few, which really touched him deeply. He was astonished how much impact this blog was making. He really encouraged me to keep writing.

I still remember when we visited India once, and Sneha my daughter was maybe 4-5 years old. We were traveling to Mysore, and there was an accident on the highway and a big fight. The driver of the bus was using all choice words in Kannada language. Sneha kept repeating each word and asking me and her Father the meaning of those words. We kept trying to divert her attention, and saying those are bad words and shouldn’t be used. You all might have faced similar situation.

If you are parent, make sure you do not use these words in your house. I know many movies and TV series air these words, change the channel. Turn off the TV. Let your kids know using these words is unacceptable. Be strict about anyone else using these words. If you see someone jokingly use these words also, you be the bad person and say ” I don’t think we should be laughing at these words, maybe we should tell them using these words will put them in trouble”.

I still remember the very first month I moved here to US, and one of the Managers used the “F…” word. I went straight to the HR Manager and complained. I didn’t know it was and can be used jokingly. I don’t care. Many use these words and say ” Forgive my French, please”. I say, “I will not please”.

This is one of the topics which troubles me very deeply. It has become very common to see people verbally abusing their spouses, parents, relatives, colleagues, etc etc.  In a dream world, we all  get along well, all are happy, everyone is nice to each other. However, when we wake up in the morning, the same dream is shattered and we are brought back to this earth where many use abusive language when things don’t go their way. This can happen to anyone, rich, poor, intelligent, educated, Doctor, Engineer or any other background or career. There is no cast, color or creed here.

It is OK to get angry, it is OK to argue, it is OK also to disagree and it is even OK to have a huge fight. They say healthy arguments actually can make your relationships even more healthier. Who knew, right?

However, it is not OK to use abusive language. No religion or God accepts this behavior. A few choice words used, can create a lasting impression in ones mind. So, be very careful when you are not in your good mood.

Abuse can happen at any place. At work, at home, at a shop, at a restaurant. So, there is no pattern here.

The use of abusive language is not restricted to one gender either, there are abusive men and so are woman. If you, or your loved one, or your colleague is getting abused verbally, and you are witnessing the same, here are some things to consider.

The person who is using abusive language is usually very short tempered. They have the entire abusive dictionary at their disposal. They don’t seem to recognize who is in front of them. Nothing matters to them than to start shooting these abusive words.

Do not at any cost repeat those words back. This will make matters worse. And the most important, there will be no difference between you and the abusive person. Mark this words down, no repeating.

Don’t get angry and start shouting back. Be calm, and in a soft voice tell them the language they are using is not OK with you. And tell them you will come back and talk to them when they are in a good mood. Leave the room. Not the house, just room.

Do not tell them this is their parents fault. No parent wants his/her child to be abusive. This is again very wrong. There are very rare cases where the entire family is abusive. This is very rare, so do not bring family history.

Even if it was your mistake starting the fight, you are  NOT responsible for the abusive language. At no cost should anyone use these kind of languages. So, don’t ever feel guilty.

This person who is using these abusive words, usually will have some problem. Either at work, maybe inferiority complex, or some other short comings because of which they are trying to show they are above one and all. This person wants to control everything, and when they are unable to do so, use this kind of language.

When all is well, talk to person and tell them how much the language hurts you. Ask them if they need help. Ask them why they feel they need to use this language.

See if you can find a pattern. If you see the same pattern over and over again, maybe it is time for Anger Management classes or counseling. Note down what triggered this abusive behavior, see if you can avoid it.

Talk to close relatives and friends. Many people want to hide the abuse, but it only becomes worse. Make sure you have a great support of people who can help you.

This person is physically OK, but mentally sick. He/She needs to sit with a counselor and discuss the issues they are facing.

If nothing works, than you know what is the last resort? Hope it doesn’t get to this point.

Let me leave you all with some amazing quotes from Swami Vivekananda, and Buddh

Buddha – Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.
Swami Vivekananda – We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far.

Advertisements

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

I am humbled by the responses I received for the past two posts. If you missed them, below are the links for the same:

We all have gone through tough times in our lives. There isn’t any one family in this entire world which has everything come by easily. Many have issues with work, spouse, children, relatives, neighbors, health so on and so forth.

Many have the habit of blaming FATE. I have heard many say “This is my fate, maybe God wanted me to live like this, I will die like this.” This is the wrong attitude.

Swami Vivekananda said about Fate “”It is the coward and the fool who says, ‘This is fate'”– so says the Sanskrit proverb. But it is the strong man who stands up and says, “I will make my own fate”.

And Swami Vivekananda also said “Men generally lay all the blame of life on their fellowmen, or failing that, on God, or they conjure up a ghost, and say it is fate. Where is fate and who is fate? We reap what we sow. We are the makers of our own fate. None else has the blame, none has the praise. The wind is blowing; those vessels whose sails are unfurled catch it, and go forward on their way, but those who have their sails furled do not catch the wind. Is that the fault of the wind? “.

I can give several examples of my own life where things changed, I worked towards it and also trusted in God. Read this:

It was my first year here in United States, my very first job here, and having come from Dubai, UAE, and not being used to the accent here, even understanding what my colleagues said was a big hurdle. However, that was not the problem. Being a software engineer, I had to work with other people in my team. The one who was managing the project, was a master manipulator. Every time I talked to him about the tasks for the next week, he would write in his status report that he helped me for hours. I used to never ask him for help to complete any task, I was merely discussing with him the task to be completed that week.

Just by coincidence, one day I saw the status report he had written.It dawned on me that he was a master manipulator. I felt bad for a day or maybe two days. The next thing I did was to start changing the way I worked. I spent more time reading, writing several articles online, and changing the way I communicated with him. I did not sit back, and say this is my fate, God please come and help me. If I did that, I would not be what I am today. I made changes, looked back at how I can improve my communication skills, how I could improve my knowledge. Within few months of this change, this person was fired from the company for not doing his job properly, and completely manipulating the project.

I had sleepless nights yes, I worried yes, I maybe cried once or twice or maybe a few more times yes. But NO, I didn’t sit back and wait for God to change things. I prayed to God yes, however, I improved several of my skills , and there he was God helping me.

This might look to you as a small example, but it had a great impact on our lives here in this country. The confidence I gained, the trust I gained, the knowledge I gained has no bounds.

So, next time you see your Spouse, daughter, son, in-laws talk about Fate, stop them then and there. And remind them of the two phrases Swami Vivekananda has said and also the one and only “GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES”.

 

 

 

February 2015 – Important Dates

Important dates in February 2015 are as such:

February Important Dates

  • Ekadashi Upavasa – 15-Feb Sunday

  • Mahashivarathri – 17-Feb Tuesday

  • Shri Raghavendra Jayanthi(Birthday) – 25-Feb Wednesday
    • Check this post for details.

As always, please check your local calendar for exact dates.

Cook with Love

Yesterday’s post was all about saying thank you to the one who put the food on the plate. Many of you commented, sent me emails and texted me. I am glad it really made an impact. For those of you who missed the post, it is here:

Today’s post is all about the person who puts the food on the plate. There is lot of debate going on as to who should cook? Should it be the Mom or the Dad? Should it be the Husband or the Wife? Should it be the Mother-in-law or the daughter-in-law?Why always Women have to cook? Why men shouldn’t cook? I have no answer, nor do I want to start or win this debate.

For me, cooking is an art, it is an act of love.Cooking is a privilege. Cooking can be done by both men and women.

I am grateful for the Almighty Lord that I have this passion for cooking and be able to cook for my loved ones. I pray to the Lord that I be born as Meera, and have the same opportunity to cook for my Family in all my future births( if there is one).

As a child, I always had an interest in cooking. I enjoyed seeing the happiness in my parents face when I cooked for them. I enjoyed seeing the joy on my siblings face when they relished my dish. I thought I was blessed when my in-laws were happy to see me cook for their Son. They were surprised that an Electronics Engineer was able to cook delicious food. I feel proud when my Husband tells his colleagues at work that the daily lunch he takes is prepared by me. I am equally happy when my daughter tells her friends about this blog, and she herself cooks a lot of recipe from there. I can go on and on. There is no end to the joy I get from cooking.

It is not just me who cooks. My husband and daughter also cook. Anytime I travel, he cooks for me. When my daughter was in elementary, middle and high school, it was him who packed her lunch all those years. When I was sick, had major surgery it was him who cooked for us breakfast, lunch and dinner for months. My daughter comes home for holidays, and cooks several meals.

So, you see a pattern here, right? It is not about who cooks on a daily basis. It is all about sharing the work. If you cook for your spouse, kids, in-laws, parents or relatives, consider it as a privilege that the Lord has given you to prepare food for them. If you consider it as a chore and do it with frustration, anger, it only gets worse. For once, change your attitude. Doesn’t matter whether you are employed or not, whether you are a man or a woman, son or a daughter, if you are cooking for your loved ones, you are lucky. You are feeding the hungry, and there is no act of godliness than feeding the hungry.

Some simple rules to follow:

  • Cook with Joy.
  • Cooke with Love.
  • Cook with a good mood.
  • Cook with passion.
  • Ask for help when you are tired.
  • Take help from the grocery store. For e.g: if you are unable to make chapathi or roti everyday, buy it from a store. If you cannot make some masala powders, buy it from a store.
  • Cook healthy food, talk to your kids about nutrition and eating healthy food.
  • When you cook healthy food, your kids learn from the same.
  • Whether you have a boy or a girl, teach them cooking.
  • Ask them to help you in the kitchen. Ask them to cut vegetables, involve them.
  • If they see you cooking with joy, they will learn the same.

Share your thoughts. Talk to your spouse, join hands and cook a meal together. See how much happiness it brings.

Annadata Sukhibhava – ಅನ್ನದಾತ ಸುಖಿಭವ

IMG_0974[1]

I have decided to post a few articles on social issues I am seeing all over the world, and mainly in my home country India. Having been to India quite frequently over the past 3-4 years, I am shocked to see the sea of change in the attitude of people.

Having such a huge online presence and followers, if I can make a change even in 1 person, I would be happy. If on the other hand I can create an awareness, that is also great.

From today, before you eat your food, say two simple words, ‘Annadata Sukhibhava – ಅನ್ನದಾತ  ಸುಖಿಭವ’. It means “let the one who provided me food be happy.

The food which comes to your table is because of several people involved. Let us for a second ignore everything else and count just the people who helped us buy the food and who helped cook the food.

So, the person who helped in buying the food maybe your Father, Mother, Son, Daughter or your in-laws. Without them we would have slept in hunger, so tell them “Annadata Sukhibhava – ಅನ್ನದಾತ  ಸುಖಿಭವ“.

Next, is the person who helped cook the food.  Recently, I have been hearing a lot of rifts due to cooking and food in general. Always the case of why me, why me? Not many want to cook? Even when I see some places where they do cook food regularly, it is with so much anger and frustration. We are cooking for our family, we are happy if our family is healthy and happy, right?

For just one day, stop complaining that the food prepared by your loved one, had no salt, not spicy enough, the sambar was a little watery, the chutney was tasteless. The next time you sit down to eat food, with an open mind and a broad smile ( yes, broad smile), say “Annadata Sukhibhava – ಅನ್ನದಾತ  ಸುಖಿಭವ”.

It is a very powerful word, and create a sea of change in your life, and in the life of your loved ones.

As a teenager when I prepared food for my parents, my father always said these two words for me. It made me so happy as a kid. Last month when we went for a long vacation, Sneha my daughter prepared food for us. As we were eating the Puliyogre and Curd Rice she had prepared, I said the same two words to her, and insisted my Husband to say to her “Annadata Sukhibhava – ಅನ್ನದಾತ  ಸುಖಿಭವ”. She had the same smile like I had when my Father said those words. A powerful word of gratitude for someone who cooked with so much love!

And let me know if you said those two words to your LOVED ONES!

 

Hetta Tayi Tandegala – ಹೆತ್ತ ತಾಯಿ ತಂದೆಗಳ Lyrics

An unbelievable song by Sree Purandara Dasaru. So appropriate for this day and age. Once again heard it on Radio Srimadhvasangha. If you get a chance, please do tune in.

hetta tAyi taMdegaLa cittava nOyisi
nitya dAnava mADi phalavEnu
satya sadAcAra illadavanu
japa hattu sAvira mADi PalavEnu
japa hattu sAvira mADi PalavEnu

tanna sati sutaru baMdhugaLa nOyisi
cinna dAnava mADi phalavEnu
binnANadiMdali dEsha dEshava tirugi
anna dAnava mADi phalavEnu

gOpya guNa guTTu illada heNNige
rUpa yauvanaviddu phalavEnu
tApatrayadi saMsAra keDisuvaMtha
pApi maganu iddu phalavEnu

tuMDu dhanadiMda taMde mAtu kELada
toMDa maganu iddu phalavEnu
bhaMDu mADi atte mAvana baiva
puMDu soseyiddu phalavEnu

snAnakke pAnakke Aguva tiLinIru
kAnana doLagiddu phalavEnu
AnaMda mUruti puraMdara viThThalana
neneyada tanuviddu phalavEnu

ಹೆತ್ತ ತಾಯಿ ತಂದೆಗಳ ಚಿತ್ತವ ನೋಯಿಸಿ
ನಿತ್ಯ ದಾನವ ಮಾಡಿ ಫಲವೇನು
ಸತ್ಯ ಸದಾಚಾರ ಇಲ್ಲದವನು
ಜಪ ಹತ್ತುಸಾವಿರ ಮಾಡಿ ಫಲವೇನು
ಜಪ ಹತ್ತುಸಾವಿರ ಮಾಡಿ ಫಲವೇನು

ತನ್ನ ಸತಿ ಸುತರು ಬಂಧುಗಳ ನೋಯಿಸಿ
ಚಿನ್ನ ದಾನವ ಮಾಡಿ ಫಲವೇನು
ಬಿನ್ನಾಳದಿಂದಲಿ ದೇಶ ದೇಶವ ತಿರುಗಿ
ಅನ್ನ ದಾನವ ಮಾಡಿ ಫಲವೇನು

ಗೋಪ್ಯ ಗುಣ ಗುಟ್ಟು ಇಲ್ಲದ ಹೆಣ್ಣಿಗೆ
ರೂಪ ಯೌವನವಿದ್ದು ಫಲವೇನು
ತಾಪತ್ರಯದಿ ಸಂಸಾರ ಕೆಡಿಸುವಂಥ
ಪಾಪಿ ಮಗನು ಇದ್ದು ಫಲವೇನು

ತುಂಡು ಧನದಿಂದ ತಂದೆ ಮಾತು ಕೇಳದ
ತೊಂಡ ಮಗನು ಇದ್ದು ಫಲವೇನು
ಭಂಡು ಮಾಡಿ ಅತ್ತೆ ಮಾವನ ಬೈವ
ಪುಂಡು ಸೋಸೆಯಿದ್ದು ಫಲವೇನು

ಸ್ನಾನಕ್ಕೆ ಪಾನಕ್ಕೆ ಆಗುವ ತಿಳಿ ನೀರು
ಕಾನನ ದೊಳಗಿದ್ದು ಫಲವೇನು
ಆನಂದ ಮೂರುತಿ ಪುರಂದರ ವಿಠ್ಠಲನ
ನೆನೆಯದ ತನುವಿದ್ದು ಫಲವೇನು

Listen to the song here on youtube:

How to Draw Chakrabja Mandala – ಚಕ್ರಾಬ್ಜ ಮಂಡಲ

chakramandala1

I had posted the Chakrabja Mandala – ಚಕ್ರಾಬ್ಜ ಮಂಡಲ in December 2012. Not sure how time flies, and I never had the chance to show how to draw this. Yesterday, Ms. Asha texted me on Whatsapp, and asked me how to draw the same. I sent her a link about the details, and finally decided I need to show digitally how to draw this great Mandala on this occasion of Madhwa Navami.

So, here is a step by step illustration on how to draw the same. I have shown how to draw 8 Lotus petals, but you can repeat the same for 12, 24, and 51 lotus petals.

May our Guru Madhwacharya bless us all.

First Valaya:

Draw a triangle

CM-Step1

Draw a circle inside the triangle so it creats three houses within the triangle but outside the circle as shown below:

CB-Step2

I will update the details to be written within each triangle and lotus as well soon.

Second Valaya:

Draw a circle on the triangle as drawn above, which now creates three areas as shown below:

CB-Step4Third Valaya:

Over the second Valaya as drawn above, draw two triangles, one straight  and another inverted. This will give rise to six small triangular spaces.

CM-Step6CB-Step7

Draw a circle over the straight and inverted triangles.

CB-Step8

Fourth Valaya

Draw eight petalled Lotus over the third Valaya drawn as shown below:

CBStep-9

P.S: Please refer to the actual image posted, I couldn’t draw the petals in any software properly. Please pardon me here.

Draw a circle over the 8 Lotus petals as shown below:

CB-Step10

Fifth Valaya :

The fifth Vlaya consists of Lotus with twelve (12) petals. Same as above, draw petals and enclose with a circle.

Sixth Valaya :

The sixth Vlaya consists of Lotus with twenty four (24) petals.

Same as above, draw petals and enclose with a circle.

Seventh Valaya :

Lastly the seventh Valaya consists of fifty one 51 petals. No circle here.

chakramandala2

Please find attached details and more information about the same on dvaita.org.

1. http://www.dvaita.org/misc/chakramandala.html

2. And the Mandala itself.

The following image courtesy: dvaita.org.

mandala

%d bloggers like this: